Hoarding, Really! Really?

Yesterday I made two trips to our local grocery store to pickup several good cardboard boxes.  My intentions are to do some purging of 'stuff' in our house (bedroom first).  I called the store the day before and requested boxes be saved and was advised I should be at the store early because their truck comes in around 7 am.  I was motivated!  I got up early, fixed breakfast, dressed and made my way to the store.  Proud of myself, I was there by 8am as was advised.  Yes, the truck had arrived and employees were stocking shelves, but no, you need to come back around noon.  Are you kidding, I called and was told to be here at 8am!!  We will save you boxes.  I did go back and get the boxes, but that took the wind out of my sails.



So... I would tackle the job tomorrow (that is today).  I was thinking about it.  I thought about it all day in fact.  However, I was unable to move myself in that direction. Okay, maybe I am not so motivated you say.  But, in my mind I am. I really want to get rid of all the excess.  This 'stuff', it's not just in the bedroom.  It's all over the house.  It's in the attic. It's in the storage building.  It's in the garden shed.  I even have stuff in the barn I need to toss. Why do I find it so hard to pick up that first item and put it in a box?  I see it.  It's in my way.  At times we trip over it.  It's collecting dust.  It-is-overwhelming! 





I have a box now. Just put it in the box, right.  That should be easy. But, for some reason, I can't wrap my mind around it, it is not easy.  I don't want it anymore, right.  Not really.  So why?  Am I a hoarder?  I look up the definition of hoarding...

1. The acquisition of, and failure to discard, a large number of possessions that appear to be useless or of limited value.
2. Living spaces are cluttered enough that they can't be used for the activities for which they were designed.
3. Significant distress or impairment in functioning caused by the hoarding.

Well, as I have described, we certainly have a large number of possession that are no longer useful.  It is obviously causing some distress and I am impaired to the level I cannot pickup the first item.  We are somewhat cluttered, but not so bad that we can't live in our space... yet.  Hummm!   I can't compare myself to some of the poor souls I have seen on the popular reality series, Hoarding, Buried Alive.  But, I am recognizing that if I fail to act on this problem, we could be moving in that direction.  You should see the storage building and the attic.



So where did this problem begin or better yet when did I recognize it.  Well it began along time ago.  When the girls were still living at home.  Clean up your room, I'd say.  Where do we put these clothes, they don't fit anymore, they'd say.  Pack them up and put them in the attic.  We will have a yard sale, I'd say. Awesome, right?  No!  Never happened!  The girls played softball for several years and have a lot of treasures they collected, trophies, equipment, etc.  That's special, you can't get rid of that, right? There is more...Harland's mom and my dad passed away.  Their 'stuff'.  Precious memories, so we have them now.  What do we do with it? The girls took items special to them, put the rest it in the storage building.  We will go through it.  No!  Never happened.


 It's getting late in the afternoon today, yesterday is gone.  Can I just get that shelf cleaned off. That one right there, with the books I have already read.  No.  I can't reach it.  I have to move these clothes first to get to it. The ones I went through several weeks ago!  Okay.  I can move those clothes.  Get a box, take the clothes out of the baskets and put them in the box.  Now, put the box in the jeep.  You can take it to Goodwill.  Good you did it!  Good job!

 

Back to the shelf.  Yes it is still there, closer now.  Go ahead pick it up.  Go on pick up the book.  You're reaching.  Ah, the phone is ringing! Saved.  Conversation...Yes, I am home, yes I no longer work for Lowe's, I retired. Blah, blah, and blah blah blah. Goodbye. Hang up.  Back to the shelf.  Box is on the bed.  There, get that book.  The one on top that is so dusty.  Get it.... put it in the box.  Wait, did I read that book.  I don't remember it.  Flip through pages.  Yes, yes, I read that one.  It's in the box. Progress!  Next book, no I don't think I read this one though.  Put it to the side.  What about these diet books.  Do I want to get rid of them. I will think about it.  Put them to the side.  Oh yeah, I read all these Nora Roberts books.  In the box!

You're probably tired of this right.  Me too!  I am exhausted.  But I finally did fill the box and get it in the jeep.  Where have I been going with all this craziness?  I finally remembered the words, "Just good enough"!  A psychologist shared these words with a group of patients who had undergone gastric bypass surgery.  I was one of those patients.  On the road to gastric bypass surgery we shared not only obesity, but many of us share the same OCD tendencies (that was just tendencies, not OCD behavior).  Including, our inability to move forward when faced with what seems like (to us) overwhelming tasks.  What I call a closet perfectionist.  Unless we can see ourselves performing the task perfectly, we would rather not even attempt it. Once we get started, we can push forward.  But taking that first step, pulling down that first book and putting it in the box is the hardest.  Learning we are not alone in our imperfection was relieving to me.  Practicing 'Just good enough' principles... touching that first book and clearing the first shelf will me get started.  It's not easily practiced, but it helps. Tomorrow I will be trying to focus on just another small piece, but on my way to tackling the whole of this project.

Thanks for hearing me today.  Wish me luck!


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